Men’s Issues

Are you like a duck?

From the waterline up, maybe you look cool, calm, and together. But underneath… you are paddling like hell… trying to hold it all together.

You have always been successful… good relationships, doing well at work… no major complaints, really.

But recently, you are finding yourself doubting your abilities to do basic things both at work and at home. WTF?

You can’t make decisions, you second guess your own judgment, you feel like a beginner when you “know” you are better than this.

You used to be able to make quick, swift, decisive decisions, but now you get stuck playing out each possible scenario and then wavering when it comes time to act. You can’t find that strong, confident guy you know you used to be.

How… when… did this happen?

When you think back, you are confused. None of this has EVER been a problem before, so why are things all of a sudden different?

You used to be so sure of yourself… so confident… even invincible at times. That version of you would never recognize this one.

Is it all “catching up to you”?

What makes it so hard is that the ways in which you have always handled yourself are no longer working. The way in which you are holding onto your “screw ups” is finally starting to get to you.

You can’t get away with avoiding or walking away anymore.

Putting everyone else first is leaving you feeling drained, resentful, and alone.

And now, to make things worse, the very things that bring you some relief – drinking or sex, for example – threaten your relationships, livelihood, and emotional state.

Sure, drinking and sex make you feel better in the moment…

…they help you to forget, but they don’t move you toward a solution.

And the worst part is that you know it. So now, on top of everything else, you also get to feel guilty about the things that bring you relief.

Congratulations – now you really are screwed (no pun intended!)…

The same thing goes for denying your feelings and avoiding the real problem and focusing on others. These are all ways to distract from what is actually going on. And I get it. The real issue feels big and scary.

But ignoring it or avoiding what’s going on isn’t going to make it go away – just because you don’t see a problem doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

I can help you find a way through.

We can figure out how to feel some of these scary feelings so that you don’t have to keep avoiding them – so you can tolerate them and be a human again in your relationships.

You will learn how to feel those feelings (without falling apart), you will learn how to deal with others that you can’t fix or control, and you will stop beating yourself up.

These feelings are scary because they force you to confront your humanity – your shortcomings, your mortality, your shadow side, your own anxiety – and the fact that because humans have free will,  you are ultimately responsible for your behavior. Being able to see and tolerate these things in yourself helps you learn how to have empathy for others and forge deeper, genuine, heartfelt connections with others.

You can’t think your way out of an emotional problem.

You can’t solve these emotional problems as though you’re tweaking an Excel spreadsheet. So, we will find ways to make your own emotions more accessible.

Most men want to think and solve their way out of each dilemma. When it comes to relationships and other big challenges, we have to ALSO learn to feel our way through. This opens up not only other forms of behavior (and therefore actions), but also opens up new ways of thinking which are typically more healthy and helpful.

We aren’t just heads bobbing around the world – we are attached to bodies that have emotions and experience different feelings in our physical form.

Let’s wade through this water together.

You don’t have to carry the whole world on your back anymore. You can learn to set some things down and see that the world doesn’t implode.

But it is scary! You probably don’t want to feel vulnerable, because you’ve spent far too long reaching, succeeding, and protecting yourself.

But you can come out on the other side with a little more peace and feeling a bit more grounded. Please reach out to me today: (949) 514-8690